Anne Evan's Journal.

My cousine met Jason Butler after one of gigs in London a few years ago  and she told me that he was fine and really nice but she doesn’t like ll.’s music and I’m just sitting there like “Why.” .

Slow down for a moment.

You know, I just love complimenting people. I like telling them how much worth they are. I love helping them. Making them smile. Saying all those things that anyone never tells them. Believing in them. Puting my faith in them. In fact I believe in them more than I will ever believe in myself. I need to be here for everyone. Make them glad for being who they really are. Being honest with them. Cheer them up. Show them how pretty and intelligent they are. How much I love them. How much I care.

It always makes me upset how many amazing people are depressed. I just want to hug you all, hold your hands and say what I think about all this shit around or say nothing. Sit in completely quiet or listen to everything what you would like to say but maybe you are too scared to do this. 

Feeling all this sorrow in other’s people life, knowing that it still exists, breaks my heart. I don’t want anyone to feel as shitty as me. 

You are not useless.

You are not stupid.

You are not ugly.

You are not pathetic.

You are not fat. 

You don’t deserve for all this pain. You deserve for something better. 

Don’t let anyone bring you down. Everyone who bullies someone is a fucking prick who can’t face his/her own problems and thinks that shitting over other people makes him/her cool. Cool? It only makes you cunt. I bullied someone when I was younger and I regret it. I should apologize to this person a thousand times. I was terrible for her and I was terrible for myself. It destroyed me.

Something about friends - don’t be afraid of asking for help. There are a lot of awesome guys. They want to be here for you. 

Fake friends? You musn’t fight for friendship. Real friends will fight for you even if they will have to threw away all your drugs, alcohol, razor blades. 

I just want to say that if you need help you can always write to me. I’m not saint. I’ve done a horrible things. To other people, to my friends, to my parents, to my siblings. I’m fighting with self-harming for 4 years so I know it’s hard as fuck. I’m fighting with myself since I remember. I cut myself. I burn myself. I hit myself. I drink too much and then I can’t control my behaviors. I smoke cigs. I tried to kill myself twice. I’ve died a million times in my head. 

If you want to know my story just write to me.

Fucking self harming. Fucking relapsing. Fucking fake friends. Fucking parents.

I have no motivation to stay clean at all.

I’m losing my mind again. I can’t sleep at night. I can only think about that what happened 6 years ago.

Everything is so fragile and I don’t know how to stop myself doing that. 

I’ve been crying for months and I’m so tired of it.

Please, kill me.